Artemis II Crew Upset To Find Bored Teens Beat Them To It

“Houston, we have a p*nis…”

The crew of the Artemis II Mission are in disbelief as their first glimpse of the dark side of the moon revealed tell-tale signs that bored teens had already “been there, done that”.

What was supposed to the historic first viewing for humankind quickly turned from a “wow” moment to a “how the f*ck?” moment.

“Houston, we have a p*nis…” said mission leader Weed Riceman, “and one of those S’s that automatically bars the writer from ever applying to the NASA Academy.”

“It also appears someone called ‘Skoota’ was here at some point but they haven’t specified when exactly.”

The markings discovered on the far side of the moon are the latest in a long trend of shoddy teenage graffiti appearing in places that seem impossible to the average member of the public.

Renowned Behavioural Scientist, Fred Slip, explained, “One cannot underestimate the reach and logic-defying abilities of a group of teenagers with nothing to do.”

“Like finding plastic bags in the Mariana Trench, there is nowhere in the known world that hasn’t been molested by bored teens”, he continued, “I’m not pretending to know how they got up there but I’m simply saying that bored teens, uh… find a way”

As the Artemis II crew try to make the best of Skoota’s sloppy seconds, Riceman conceded morale has taken a hit.

“People deal with things differently but morale is definitely at an all-time low.”

“I’d say I’ve probably taken the news in my stride the most given all of my crewmates exited the airlock butt-naked and are now floating nude and lifeless in the cold vacuum of space for eternity.”

“But as I said to them, that’s why the handbook says that kind of behaviour is ‘Strictly Not Allowed’.”

More to come.

DRAVEN HONK | Editor IMAGE CREDIT: All images used in collage for the sake of parody and originals accessible via canva.com.