Horace-copes

As we glide slipperily toward the summer solstice, it's the perfect time to glimpse into the future the only way possible, by looking at the sky and taking interpretative liberties.

ARIES Your impulses will take you to unexpected and passionate places. Focus on your personal growth by being open to new experiences at this year’s Comic-Con. Accept a drink from that weird couple eyeing you from across the bar but do cosplay something warm as it’s usually pretty well air conditioned in those places.  

TAURUS Keep on doing whatever you’re doing and you’ll be in for zero surprises. You’ve never been wrong, so why change anything now? Your loyalty will be tested as the quality of your favourite underwear brand dips again due to high staff turnover at the sweatshop. Be prepared to steady up and weather that storm.

GEMINI Your curiosity will be peaked by a supple figure at pickleball and opening a dialogue may invite new and fruitful connections. Throw yourself into it with an open heart and let it bring the positivity you desperately need as your dog will be put down by the local council in a case of mistaken identity.

CANCER Venus is in your 2nd house currently which spells bad news for the other tenants and may affect your return on investment. Be careful of cunning property managers and run away at the sight of boat shoes. You would be wise to nurture your 1st house, firstly by paying your overdue mortgage payments, and secondly by opening a window once in a while because the stench is overwhelming.

LEO As the Sun flares white hot, you will find renewed strength and enthusiasm for Vietnamese food. Resist the urge to lean into pride when asked how much chilli you want on your Banh Mi and you will be rewarded. Someone from work will look at your facebook profile in the early hours of the morning and your chance of finding out who and why may benefit from the use of physical intimidation.

VIRGO The practicalities of being an independent sales consultant for Thermomix will become too much to handle as you inadvertently undermine long-held relationships. Don’t be afraid to analyse and criticise yourself to the point of stopping that tragic behaviour but don't dig too much deeper. Signs are positive that "jorts" are back in fashion so triple down on that.

LIBRA Heavy decisions landing on your lap will take a toll as you weigh up the options. Make sure to take time for yourself to avoid feeling overwhelmed. People are complicated and there are spectrums inside us all, so rest assured that no matter what you choose, in reality it’s not that absolute and we are all a little bit Team Edward and a little bit Team Jacob. 

SCORPIO Play your cards close to your chest because Pluto is peering over your shoulder and is passive aggressively resting its hand on your shoulder. Ask yourself whether now is the right time before fist-fighting a pseudo-planet in your favourite casino. New horizons offer the opportunity to dance rather than fight or you can breakdance fight to scratch both itches.

SAGITTARIUS New opportunities for adventure will come thick and fast. Diving right in may be fun but will cause conflict with existing responsibilities. The clash of dreams and reality will be testing but there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. If you’re at a crossroads, sit on your hands a bit to make them numb before jacking off.

CAPRICORN Shoot for the stars and don’t let those close to you dissuade or distract you from your mission. Saturn’s rings slingshot you the energy to sell your Beanie Baby collection to fund the opening of your Etsy Store. Whittling personalised wooden keyrings can be both meditative and lucrative if you take it seriously enough. 

AQUARIUS There’s never been a better time to cut all ties with your family and friends and tread your own path. Innovation is slowed down by the same old tired faces even if they’re the ones who support you both emotionally and financially. You think Steve Jobs cared about his nearest and dearest? Wake up to yourself. 

PISCES Listen to your instincts because Neptune is coming for you and always hits its target. Compassion for those around you may be more difficult as you keep your eyes on the skies waiting for that big blue ball to come crashing down and flatten your house. Avoid films like Armageddon and Deep Impact and escape by watching something entirely different, something made with a bit more care, something classic like Dante's Peak.

HORACE - Romance & Horoscopes